sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i now understand why vodka
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
