you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
