Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
