I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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