Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
