Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
