Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
