Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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