I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
