I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
