I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
