wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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