I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
