You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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