If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
