An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
