Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
