It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
