2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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