so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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