last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
