I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
