Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
