watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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