Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize