Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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