Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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