Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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