if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize