The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
