My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
