my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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