my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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