i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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