I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
When are your genitals available?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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