Kiss
Puke
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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