There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
