i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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