Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
