So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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