Four minutes until I can fart!
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You ruined the universe
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
