People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i think i have two assholes
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
