I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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