i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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