Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
