Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
