The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
