Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I am one with the molecules
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize