He disabled his match.com account in front of me
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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