I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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