Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
