why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
