Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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