McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
