so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize