As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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