just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
