We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
