just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
