I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
