I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I lost the right to judge tonight
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
