also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
