No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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