Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
