Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
