i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize