I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
