this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
