A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
