That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
