We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
