And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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