I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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