Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize